Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Weight Issues.......(long post)

This was me in November of 2006, I am second from the left next to my husband in the brown jacket, the other ppl are my in-laws

This is obviously my wedding picture with my sister in law. This would be December 2006.

And this is obviously me now. (And for the record, I am only 5'3") I was always skinny growing up. I never got the comments of "your so pretty" or anything like that, the thing people always noticed about me was that I was "so skinny." It almost became an obsession for me. I ran all the time, worked out, tried to eat healthy, then when I turned 16 I got a job at an Italian restaurant (oh boy!). Working didn't allow me to exercise and run like I always had and I began eating the food there. I would get out of school at 3:30 and drive 30 mins to my job, eat, then clock in. I started gaining a little weight and by that I mean I went from 105 pounds to 115 and I began to panic. I began not eating and then when I would eat I would overindulge and then force myself to vomit. I began to realize I had a problem and I started trying to make myself eat but I would get sick and vomit again. For me, it became an endless cycle that I felt was impossible to break. I finally forced myself to eat, little by little till I could eat a meal. I have never went back to that place and refuse to. My husband helped me a lot with that. He loved me the way I was and he loved that I was a beautiful person inside and out. It wasn't "your so skinny" I heard anymore it was "you're beautiful". I began gaining weight back and before we were married I believe I was around a size 5 which was big for me. I felt comfortable though. After we were married we moved to Montana and I was at home constantly b/c I couldn't drive in the snow which meant more eating. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was about a 6/7 and weighed about 135 pounds or so. When I was pregnant I developed preeclampsia (with both pregnancies actually) and by the time I had my daughter I was almost 200 pounds. I have stretch marks from my legs to my breasts and everywhere in between (battle wonds of having children) After having my 2 kids, I am 145 pounds and wear a size 8. I struggle with my weight and body issues constantly. I feel like since I was always told growing up "your so skinny" and not "your so pretty" I had nothing about me that was attractive or noticeable. I have tried losing weight again and again but it always fails. I definitely do not want to be 100 pounds again but my goal weight is 130. That's 15 pounds, can I do it and do it the healthy way?! Its crazy how much your body changes after having babies! My husband has always been supportive and makes me feel beautiful but I would definitely like to lose a few pounds. I know this is kind of a long post and a little deeper than the usual but I feel like weight issues are something always on everyone's minds, especially women. I feel like there is a lot more pressure on women to look perfect and for moms out there seeing these celebrity moms rebound right back to a size 2 puts an enormous weight on your shoulders, or it did me anyways. Being overweight is something I am really struggling with at the moment and learning how to be comfortable at whatever weight I am. Confidence is key, but its something I have always lacked in. I want this to be a place you can feel comfortable and to feel beautiful and to know that everyone struggles whether its in the open or not. I will keep you guys updated on my weight loss battle but I know unless I am TRULY happy with myself it won't matter what weight or size I am.


  1. Hi Sammie,
    Well if it counts I think you have a beautiful figure. I just wanted to let you know I use a free program online (no gimmicks or anything) called www.sparkpeople.com and so far since May I am down 25 lbs, and this is coming from someone who has not been able to lose weight for years due to a painful back condition and now arthritis at the ripe old age of 42. You make an account and then you put your weight in and what you want to lose, then you can use either there menus or your own and you track your food every day and your exercise, it has 1000's of members who are very supportive through the groups. It is worth checking out just to see if you like it, and unlike Weight watchers it is free. Sorry I did not mean to rant but I just wanted to give you some help if you wanted it (I still think you look Fabulous though as is).

  2. thank you! I will certainly check that out, I've never heard of it before so I will give ti a shot, thank you!

  3. Hi Sammie! I also just opened a free account on sparkpeople.com and it seems to be an awesome place. I have high hopes, so hope it works out for all of us =D

  4. I think you are GORGEOUS and your body is super.
    I'm also 5' 3" and have always been the skinny one. My lowest weight was 109 back when I had thyroid issues and my highest 132.
    I'm 54 years old and still anal about my weight. I weighed 121 this morning and really for my age it is a tad too skinny because when you get my age the FACE thins too much. :)
    Don't fret about it and just get out and walk and eat sensible.

  5. I know this is from quite some time ago but I'm just now reading it. I always heard the same thing "You're so skinny". My mother had been morbidly obese my whole life and the fear of ending up like her made me do crazy things. I never made myself throw up, but I would starve myself and work out endlessly. When I had my first son I had pre-eclampsia too and got up to about 175 and I couldn't wait to starve myself skinny again. This was almost 16 years ago and I still have food issues. I have been trying to buy healthy food and eat better, which requires eating more, and then I get freaked out about getting fat. You're right-there is a LOT of pressure on girls and woman to be skinny, but being healthy is what's important. I'm trying to get my mind to realize the size on my jeans isn't as important as being healthy and eating right and taking care of myself.